Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in erinth's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, December 18th, 2008
1:07 pm	weird moment of existential crisis of the week. Said i would go stand around backstage with my lover at the video game awards during the end of rehearsal/the show so that i could laugh at his opening sketch/rock opera thing while he was standing there and, of course, got stopped at the entrance because it isn't the first priority of people working on shows to make sure that the all access pass for the girlfriend gets to the credentials table.  i called him and we waited like romeo and juliet on opposite sides of the gate thingy for someone to run a badge down, but while this was happening, the people at the table kept asking, "are you crew?" and then, when i said no, "are you talent?" and then, when i said no, "well, what are you?"  sometimes in life in general i realize that i am not talent and i am not crew.  What am i?  (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008
9:26 am	The stupidest show I ever enjoyed Rock the Reception on TLC.  Came on while i was sorting through fellowship applications just now and, to my surprise, I let it stay on even though i could not believe it was a TV show. It's about a pair of choreographers who come to your house and choreograph a dance routine for you (and often your wedding party if this episode was any indicator) to do at your wedding reception.  This is a half-hour show, which means that there's not as much content as a few days fishing for opilio crab (alaska's Deadliest Catch) might provide, but enough content that it needs the same amount of time as it takes the people on the Discovery ID channel to decide who of three mass murderers is Most Evil, using a scientific scale designed by an official scientist.   I'm pretty sure that this tiny sub-niche in the wedding program genre is the least important, most frivolous show on television this morning, including the ads for pancake makeup on that Guthy Renker show. And i liked it. I used to teach dance in the summer and I loved making up routines and making the eight year-olds do jazz moves to bad music on parents' day. I also used to make up dance routines in my room until around age 15 or 16.  And make up aerobics routine to a dance cd with Haddaway and "Rhythm is a Dancer" on it.  I added those last two sentences so that you wouldn't think i was pretending to reveal something embarrassing that i secretly thought was cool. Also, I would make up dance routines right now if i could get money for it.  Also, I think my dance routines may have been stupid.  That's my reason for wanting to Rock the Reception.  What's everyone else's excuse? Unless there are a ton of ex summer camp dance teachers out there, I guess women who like weddings really will watch anything. (Comment on this)
Monday, November 3rd, 2008
2:54 pm	I give up. I have tried to stop watching the ID (investigation discovery) channel and all of the 48 hours and dateline episodes that they run there because they scare the shit out of me and, even when i'm in a tiny, safe, northern michigan town walking home from a wedding, i'm convinced i'm about to be abducted and murdered beccause then they could make a dateline called "murder on harbor point".  I have deleted my season pass of these programs. I have told myself that what they depict is scary and disgusting and gross stuff that will rot my brain and is usually based around some terrifying act of violence against women (not that they glorify said violence, of course, but i just don't think i should get pleasure from hearing about it).  I have told myself that i am morbid.  I have told myself "it is halloween weekend and there's a thunder storm on outside. do not watch this show about 2 roommates who were murdered in their beds on Halloween weekend. you will be scared shitless*. All to no avail.  A week spent primarily in bed due to illness and the only thing that made me happy during the prostrate parts of that week  was finding out who killed those ladies on Halloween*.   So i give up. I accept looking over my shoulder constantly and worrying that i'm a bad person and that my food is being poisoned by a lover as consequences that will be with me as long as i continue to watch and enjoy these true crime shows. With any luck this will not last the rest of my life, but rather 3-4 months, which was about how long it took me to work through my Deadliest Catch fixation.  Man i wish i was still interested in Deadliest Catch. I was so happy whenever those pots came up full and I miss Sig and Johnathan and the rest of the guys.  But it's boring to me now. It just is.  Fingers crossed the same will eventually happen wtih ID and 20/20 on WE. Otherwise i'm going to check in on you twice as often to make sure you didn't get chopped up by your roommate.  *the boyfriend of one of their best friends killed them because he was worried that the close friendship between the women was tearing he and his girlfriend apart.  and because he was drunk.  What was really tearing he and his girlfriend apart was that he was kind of a douche and drank too much. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
11:53 am	My favorite line from the new 30 Rock: Jack: We may not be the best people... Liz: ...but we're not the worst. Both: graduate students are the worst.   (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 16th, 2008
8:52 am	Quiz answers (plus some bonus bonus points):   1.)C. Thomas Howell. I actually have No idea what this movie is...might be secret admirer 2.)Chad Allen     3.) Richard Grieco      4.)Will Weaton (sp?)      5.)Rick Schroeder       6.)Vince Neil (who i had to pretend to be when i was a kid so that my friend tanya could pretend to make out with me)     7.)Richard Dean Anderson     8.)Joey Mac(Intyre)  9.)Harry Hamlin (playing perseus in clash of the titans, an awesome movie)   Bonus: who is this actor (2 points) and who did he play in 80’s beefcake showcase Top Gun (1 point)? 10.)Rick Rossovich 11.) "Slider," although i believe this picture is from Roxanne where his character name was Chris (Bonus Bonus points if you can name any of the insults that Steve Martin makes up in the scene where he makes fun of his own nose to silence a barroom bully...pretty sure i can think of at least 5 or 10, but i'm EXTRAORDINARY!)   Bonus: Name this actor (2 points) plus 2 movies in which he has played a bully (1 point): 12.)William Zabka  13.)Karate Kid parts I and II, Just One of the Guys, European Vacation (i think), Back to School (bonus bonus points if you can think of any movie where he DIDN'T play a bully...i don't think i can). (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
9:12 am	Movie Quiz. This weekend i went to Oxnard to a sweet house for Abby's birthday and my contribution was a pub-type quiz.  There were 7 rounds but I thought i'd put the fun one here.  80's Hunks and Heartthrobs.  Identify each hunk for one point. 6 bonus points available at the end.  Many of these should be child's play, but still, enjoy.  I will post answers later.   1.)____________________         2.)__________________     3.)____________________      4.)______________________      5.)_____________________       6.)______________________     7.)____________________     8.)_____________________  9.)_______________________   Bonus: who is this actor (2 points) and who did he play in 80’s beefcake showcase Top Gun (1 point)? 10.)________________ 11.) _____________________   Bonus: Name this actor (2 points) plus 2 movies in which he has played a bully (1 point): 12.) _____________________  13.) __________________________ (14 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
12:35 pm	New Installment in Rear Window-style Neighbor Surveillance Blog Harvey, my alcoholic stoner costas mendelor-director next-door neighbor has revealed himself to be a former world championship bodybuilder. I learned this from him when we ran into each other coming out of the gym and i asked if he did weights in there (because i never see him in the Simmons/Goldblum ellipitical and treadmill section.)  He pulled out his phone and showed me pictures of himself and told me he used to buy his drugs from the governor in the 70's and that his weightlifting was how he broke in as a filmmaker. Other Stuff I know about Him: was quick to befriend skinnypants (pictures of both included) wears only black all the time. dries clothes on the patio furniture, even though the new manager, Robert -more on him later-, has sent 4 separate memos to everyone in the complex (although Harvey is the only one who does this, so they're really all to him). Kickass Drunk Driver has a very loud, high-pitched barf that sounds like that guy in Raising Arizona who picks up H.I. and says "son, you got a panty on your head" before screaming loudly for the rest of the scene. i can hear Harvey's barf noises through the walls when he drinks or has the flu and i get worried if there's a long silence with no barf noise. Has a website. Pictures of his strongmen days are under the "erotica" section of the visual history page. Has a girlfriend who looks to be about 25. looks to be in his 60's. is drunk 50% of time i see him is stoned 40% of time i see him is on way to/from the gym remaining times i see him has oldest, squakiest car in the world. it wakes me up in the morning when he comes and goes has fancy old sports car in his extra parking space, under a drop cloth.  i have hit this car when opening my car doors a number of times. partly because he has parked me in so many times i resent him. directs movies about artists and actors likes to watch Friends (maybe he can't understand anything else when he's stoned, either). i hide from him and avoid conversations because they always turn into harangues about watching his movie, or else drunken blatherings about what a good girl i am. is likeable overall was the worst building manager in history of building managers.  got fired from that.  Kind of a self-hating jew.  unless he's not jewish, in which he's a jew-hating non-jew.  Calls my building owners poster children for anti-semitism because they are cheap.  pays his rent how???? Coming soon on Rear Window-Style Neighbor Surveillance Blog: The Robert Report (an effort to determine if he's a harmless old man or if he's trying to get ass while managing this building) Roommate Report (discussion of how all of his women seem to think he's their boyfriend/not know about one another) Skinnypants in Autumn The Goth/Alt couple (happiest, cheerfullest relationship in the building as far as i can tell. it's weird how Goths are so full of love and acceptance when they're not thrashing at bygod20 concerts or whatever they listen to since the last time i checked (1992).  Much, Much More!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
11:47 am	The Cat Show. That shit was bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S: If i look worried in this photo it is because i think my head is going to explode.  because of shit like this. This bitch was agile for miles. Cat de resistance.  abby took these pictures. thank you, abby.  (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 19th, 2008
7:28 pm	'it's like, a famous quote.' 'from who?' 'cliff's notes.' Just saw this in a magazine ad about how inspiring this designer is, and how if you want to be inspiring, too, you will buy a samsung television: "I love a beautiful lady, I love a beautiful piece of furniture, I love beauty...I know what women want...they want to be beautiful." -Valentino Garavani I swear i will blog about something other than women's magazines and stupid things in them, soon, but this is a stupid quote in my opinion. and this is stupid cover art: http://www.prnewswire.com/cgi-bin/stories.pl?ACCT=104&STORY=/www/story/09-14-2008/0004884472&EDATE= (why can't i insert links anymore.  it won't let me put text over it. am i nuts?)   I know i'm way sensitive about woman shit but as a target audience for both of these magazine issues, this stuff makes my ovaries hurt. soothing this pain is the sure and certain knowledge that i am going to this tomorrow, by hook or by crook, and this cat had better be there: (from LAist) Los Colores Cat Show The fur will be flying, literally, Saturday and Sunday at the Pasadena Convention Center for the CFA Allbreed and Household Pet Cat Show. There'll be rescue kittens for sale, plus exotic cats on display, and household cat judging--though no word on whether criteria such as "spazziness" or "litterbox aim" will be used to award prizes. Perhaps the most anticipated event, though, is the agility contest, in which cats lured by fuzzy toys run an obstacle course that includes jumping, climbing, and zipping through tunnels. For those of us who deplore the circus for its treatment of animals, but still have a deep-seated urge to watch cats jump through hoops, this is our chance to watch the magic happen. This kind of feline talent hasn't been seen since 1979! The event at the Pasadena Convention Center goes from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday and costs $8/6/6 for Adults/Children, Seniors/Military. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008
8:48 am	Keep It Together, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Dear "Love,"  A few months ago i was on some website where they showed your butt and a bunch of people commented from their home computers about what a fat piece of shit you were.  You were a size 6.  I'm a size six. You were almost as fat as ME.  Then you got your lard ass to the gym and lost some weight and now you don't make my eyes bleed anymore from seeing your disgusting blubber poured into massive size 6 jeans. But i just saw you on a proactiv commercial and they did an extreme close-up of your chin at some premiere and i could see two tiny pimples under your makeup.  i have two pimples sometimes. Me.  So you were almost as fat as me and now you are almost as ugly as me. Excellent work, disgustersville. All i can say is you better stay on that stairmaster and keep using those heavy acne chemicals becuase i swear to god if i see a blemish on your face or a dent in your butt i...scuse me...sorry. i just puked in the trash can i keep next to my desk. Keep it together.  All I'm asking.  I don't follow your acting career so the least you can do is not make me ill by looking like a normal 30 year old when i see you on magazine covers at the grocery store.  I don't what you can possibly be smiling about when you look like the elephant man/better than only 95% of women. It should be 100%, craphole!   (26 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
2:21 pm	My Crazy Sex Column, inspired by SELF!  As i have mentioned frequently, I buy self magazine because i hate money but love worthless paper, and like to check in on women writers with sort of average IQ's because all the bitches i know is SMART. this month there's an article called "Sweeter, Sexier Sex: Fresh Ideas to Try Tonight." Of course, i assumed that the ideas were the same ones that have been published 100 times in self an other magazines, which are: 1.) talk dirty! it's sexy!! 2.) watch porn! everyone's doing it!! 3.) light scented candles! it's hot!! 4.) get on top. it's adventurous and not boring!! (but check out page 45 to see ways to shrink your hideous thighs so that your boyfriend won't be grossed out) 5.) freeze grapes in your freezer and role them around your guy's peen during oral sex! produce and advanced planning is sexy!!! 6.) do foreplay! it will turn you on!! These pieces of sex advice are considered to be new and fascinating and totally dirty by the editors of these magazines, and probably by the 14 year-olds who buy them.  But this new article is actually taking a different angle, telling you to forget what you know about magazine sex advice and throw out what the experts say and just get crazy (!) in ways including: 1.) don't talk dirty if you are afraid your husband won't want the word "cock" to come out of the mouth that reads stories to your baby. you are a mom!! 2.) don't watch porn or act out sex scenes if you're not comfortable! some people aren't into it!! 3.) watch Private Practice if you want, even though it's not sexy!! 4.) go missionary! it's not as boring as we said it was!! 5.) don't do a bunch of crazy, involved stuff if it gets in the way of the sex! be a sex machine on your own!! 6.) don't do foreplay if you're both turned on already! we know we told you that you were getting shortchanged if you just went straight for the sex but we have revised our opinion in specific circumstances!!! So basically, if you add these two sets of advice together, you see that these magazines are telling you to do everything and nothing in order to have STEAMY, SEXY SEX!  So after reading them you take away from them that you're supposed to be having steamy, sexy sex, but little that is concrete as to how you are supposed to do that. This makes sense, because, though everyone's different, these magazines' bread and butter is telling women that they can give them concrete solutions in list forms to problems such as sex or, even more broadly, happiness. And so by the end of a full business cycle, they've given you every piece of advice but really only managed to re-convey anxiety about your sex life or happiness level so that you will consume more magazines. If i had to write an article on sex for SELF magazine, here's what i'd write every month: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three Steps to Enjoying Yourself in Bed! 1.) fuck each other. 2.) do whatever you feel like doing while you're fucking each other, so long as you enjoy yourselves doing it (note: this may include not actually having sex if you aren't going to enjoy yourself) 3.) make your enjoyment known to your partner in whatever way you enjoy making it known. Sex is complicated enough without having to worry about what other people are doing or whether or not the fact that you like porn but other women think it's dirty makes you normal or whether it's "ok" to do missionary again without fear of being considered boring by the magazine that sits on your coffee table. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Off to write a queery letter. I bet i'mma get hired! (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 14th, 2008
2:06 pm	Questions arising from my new nail polish style: What is the point of a french manicure?  Why do i need one to be someone's bridesmaid?  Are you fooled by this styling of my nails into thinking that i'm so perfectly feminine that the tips of my nails are bright white?  Is the point of this manicure to make my nails look like they are really obvious lee press on nails?  why am i so lazy that i would rather cut off the tips of all of my nails than get out the nail polish remover?  why am i so lazy full stop?  what will become of me?  if i died of throat cancer right now and my roommate went on a bender for a few days, who would find my body? why am i so scared of cancer? is it because my life is so empty that i have to make up things to be scared of? if i had twins and sextuplets would i have time to even notice if i had real cancer, let alone make up fake cancer?  why did my tivo only record 15 minutes of john and kate plus 8? why am i so obsessed with myself?  why don't i give more to charity? why do i spend $18 on a turkey reuben when i have food right here?  why am i still hungry? new FIB blog. i think this is my last one for a while on script elements that get repeated too much. i'm kind of a one-trick pony and i feel like i can do better.   (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008
11:04 am	Behold: Skinnypants! New details on skinnypants: I think he's taking the Lee Strasburg workshop, which is why he's "studying."  He pronounces it Srayssborg.  He is bummed that he might get busy soon and not have as much time to work on his tan. Or so he told my neighbor, Costas Mendelor film director. He is trying to get rid of his aussie accent. He is not succeeding.  He's excited that the hot water got turned back on in our building. Not as excited as me, though, because, you know, he studies the method and extreme circumstances are opportunities for "study." He took a cold shower this morning and now he's ready to play a character who takes a cold shower. None of the above would be much in the way of an update if i hadn't taken these pictures of skinnypants in a rare, non-prostrate moment having a film industry pow wow with drunken costas mendelor director in a rare non-drunk moment.  So now you know practically everything i know about skinnypants. I am trying like hell not to know more but he keeps having conversations and yesterday during the earthquake i ran out my front door in case it got stronger and had to say "did you feel that?" to skinnypants and his lady for about 10 seconds.  still, i feel good about our non-interaction. i don't want him to be aware of me.  otherwise it will start to strike him as just as weird as it strikes me that he sits down below my window all day and i sit up here typing and looking down at him. or maybe he knows already. maybe this is some bad version of rear window.  only instead of a murder i will eventually stop him from killing himself with UV.  (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 29th, 2008
2:40 pm	Hypochondria At any given time you see me, I think i have some disease or other. I have called emergency rooms on weekends many times but have never actually gone in, which i believe separates me from the hypochondriacs who mean business, but still qualifies me to blog about it.  Here are the things I think I am worried I have right now: Throat Cancer Ear Cancer Skin Cancer (ongoing) Mono Heart defect (this comes and goes, i think i have it every 2-4 months) Circulatory problem (ongoing) I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss all of these diseases, and in the meantime, I will be looking up symptoms and terrifying pictures of sufferers.  Here are my symptoms: tired throat felt a little swollen (no pain) for two weeks mild chest pain (the kind you get after you eat something spicy, but mine's special) new freckle Why am i writing this? Because while I believe that I could at any time have about 17 rare diseases i don't believe in naturally occurring irony, at least not where i'm concerned (ie "how ironic that she wrote a humorous blog about her silly illness fears only they weren't silly or humorus at all because they were real"). Also, because i want to plug my new film industry blog. again.  New entry today: http://filmindustrybloggers.com/thescriptreader/ (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
12:44 pm	skinnypants skinnypants is my name for the skinny guy in tiny short pants who sits under my window in a lounge chair and sunbathes from roughly 11am-5pm.  Yesterday his girlfriend made him go and do something at 3 and he sounded PISSED so this looks like it will continue.  I sit at my desk working most of the time he's out there, so i have a lot of time to consider him.  here is what i know about skinnypants after 1 week of observation: 1. Skinnypants is an ACTOR first and foremost.  The book he reads most frequently is called "Acting" and i think is the lee strasburg book. 2. Skinnypants thinks he is better looking than he actually is. 3. Skinnypants is australian. 4. Skinnypants has an audition coming up, which he hopes to act the shit out of. 5. Skinnypants is a terrible actor. 6. Skinnypants's girlfriend is cooler than he is. 7. She has a job of some sort. 8. Skinnypants is kind of assy to her. He probably thinks it's just sassy, but it's assy. 9. Skinnypants has ready friends in my neighbor, the drunken maker of films starring costas mendelor, and the other wanna-be actors in the building, all of whom endorse his choice to sunbathe all day and say things like "life is your training," as if sunbathing all day means he is somehow preparing, Brando-style. 10. Skinnypants is well prepared to act in a movie about a d-bag who suns himself in the courtyard that is overlooked by 40 apartments, applying water every once in a while so that his body will glisten. 11. Skinnypants needs someone to run lines with but i do not volunteer for that job. 12. Skinnypants is a tacky dresser, judging from his Iraq ar army fatigue patterned do-rag, which is all i have to go on. 13. Skinnypants is a writer, too. He journals and comes up with ideas for scritps that will star him in a notebook that he keeps next to "Acting" and the script he's rehearsing from. 14. Skinnypants is probably hungry.  Dude don't eat but 1 bowl of froyo a day (at 12:30pm). 15. Skinnypants is too tan, despite the widespread and reportedly effective PSA campaign throughout Australia -the melanoma capitol of the world-telling him he is a bloody idiot for being out in the sun so much.  he looks like George Hamilton. Not even paul hogan rugged tan.  George Hamilton. 16. Skinnypants is part of a neverending tide if mildly good-looking people that flows from around the world, directly toward my apartment building and yours. The ones with the means to somehow contribute will be fine.  The others (skinnypants), not so much.  I hope they make it, but it must be rough to go out to cabo cantina on your first night in town and realize that everyone else is pretty, too. Or maybe that's comforting. I can't tell.  What i hope to discover (without having a conversation that, while yeilding up answers, would probably humanize skinnypants too much for my comfort) in the future: 1. what play/script is he rehearsing from? I really want it to be Tennessee Williams. Becasuse everyone in those plays has a Southern Accent.  2. How long can it possibly take to memorize that part? I calculate he's spent at least 20 hours on it. 3. in his opinion, is there such a thing as too much sun? Will he ever get a break from this hectic tanning schedule? 4. is skinnypants medium-good-looking enough to keep the girlfriend hanging on for much of this new, LA adventure? she seems fed up but he seems to think very hard on his good looks and so perhaps they'll save him. 5. is this blog too mean spirited?  actually, i think i know the answer to that one already! we will keep following this story for you.  also: plug plug plug (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 17th, 2008
10:09 am	party pooper? My neighbor drives drunk.  Really, really drunk. I know this because when i go to my car and he's parked behind it so i have to go and wake him up to move it he always tells me he was too drunk to park it in his spot.  Last night i got to see how drunk he drives when i got home and found him sitting in his car trying to figure out what to do because he was too out of it park in his spot but i wasn't home for him to park behind so that if he wanted to park he'd have to take my spot.  I pulled up and tried to figure out if he was parking or going out for the night and he slurred at me to park. and then after i got out of my car he said "when are you leaving tomorrow morning?" and i told him i would be home a lot of the day and just to park.  what he really said was "whennayaleavertmrrah." he was that drunk. He couldn't even speak. he could barely sit up and i'm sure would have fallen if he didn't have the wheel to lean on. and when i went in my apartment, my roommate said he'd been out there for at least ten minutes (he has no muffler so we know when he comes and goes) just sitting in his running car in the middle of the driveway.  here is why i am describing this: i want to know whether i'm a nice, laid back neighbor or a careless person for not doing something about this. I'm an ok driver and I almost hit people on my street sometimes because it's hard to see out out of the driveway and it's a really busy street and everyone on the block owns and walks a dog. He's going to hit someone a some point, right?  is there anything i can or should do?  we do live by hyde and so maybe he will hit paris hilton or one of the other girls who drives drunk, but if he hits someone else, i'm going to feel guilty.  or am i an uptight old lady for even thinking about this? am i your grandmother?  this is a residential street! you, sir, are a menace!  i can't tell. i know i'm uptight and high strung. i just don't know if it is putting me on the right or wrong side of this issue.  thoughts? EDIT: i guess the best thing to do would be to talk to him about it and make sure he's ok, but here's the problem with that: he annoys me --which unusual because he's kind of old and i am extra accepting of old men because my cool-yet-cranky grandfather is one-- and though i'm nice enough to worry he's going to hurt someone with his car, i'm not nice enough to take that kind of bullet for all the unsuspecting drivers and pedestrians out there.  now that i've written that he'll probably hit my car and it will be poetic justice. i can't help it, though.  I'm shy and i don't like him and i don't want to be given another one of the independent films starring costas mendelor that he directed and get yelled at until i watch it.  (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 14th, 2008
12:19 pm	what makes sammy run? an email from one of the sammy glicks i've run across since i started working in the entertainment industry reminded me that, five months ago when i was reading What Makes Sammy Run? and talking about it to people who hadn't read it, i planned to post one of my favorite passages here.  I have said before that i think it's lame to just post things that other people wrote that you think are neat on your blog, but when i wrote that I was talking about you, not me.  Also, i just think most people i know will appreciate this, since i think many of you have also decided not to run, which in the language of the book means to spend your energy on creating things, rather than using that energy to run as fast as you can in an attempt to reach the top without creating anything.  I like that all of my friends are always making stuff and that the only Sammy Glicks I know are people i used to work with who send me email forwards.  this book is by budd schulberg, by the way, and is about Hollywood in the 30's.  But it starts out in New York where the main character is a reporter and the title character, Sammy, is 15 year-old errand boy in his office:     The boss told me Sammy was getting a three-week tryout.  But sammy did more running around that office in those three weeks than Paavo Nurmi did in his whole career. Every time i handed him a page of copy, he ran off with it as if his life depended on it. I can still see Sammy racing between desks, his tie flying, wild-eyed, desperate.      After the second trip he woudl come back to me panting, like a frantic puppy retrieving his ball. I never saw a guy work so hard for twelve bucks a week in my life.  You had to hand it to him. He might not have been the most loveable little child in the world, but you knew he must have something. I used to stop right in the middle of a ssentence and watch him go.      "Hey, kid, take it easy."     That was like cautioning Niagrara to fall more slowly.     "You said rush, Mr. Manehim."     "I didn't ask you to drop dead on us."     "I don't drop dead very easy, Mr. Manheim."     "Like your job, Sammy?"     "It's a damn good job--this year."     "What do you mean--this year?"     "If is still have this job next year, it'll stink."     He looked so tense and serious i almost laughed in his face. I liked him. Maybe he was a little too fresh, but he was quite a boy.     "I'll keep my ear to the ground for you, kid.  Maybe in a couple of years I'll have a chance to slip you in as a cub reporter."     That was the first time he ever scared me.  Here i was going out of my way to be nice to him and he answered me with a look that was almost contemptuous.     "Thanks, Mr. Manheim," he said, "but don't do me any favors.  I know this newspaper racket. Couple of years at cub reporter? Twenty bucks.  Then another stretche as a district man. Thirty-five.  And finally you're a great big reporter and get forty-five for the rest of your life. No, thanks."     I just stood there loooking at him, staggered. Then ...     "Hey, boy!" And he's off again, breaking the indoor record for the hundred-yard dash.     Well, I guess he knew what he was doing.  The world was a race to Sammy.  He was running against time.  Sometimes I used to sit at the bar at Bleeck's, stare at teh reflection in my highball glass and say, "Al, I don't give a goddam if you never move your ass off this seat again. If you never write another line. I default.  If it's a race, you can scratch my name right now. Al Manheim does not choose to run." And then it would start runnging through my head: What makes Sammy run? What makes Sammy run?  I would take another drink, and ask one of the bartenders:     "Say, Henry, what makes Sammy run?"     "What the hell are you tlaking about, Al?"     "I'm talking about Sammy Glick, that's who I'm talking about. What makes Sammy run?"     "You're drunk, Al.  Your teeth are swiming."     ..."But I've got to know. (I was yelling by this time.) Don't you see, it's the answer to everything." I won't tell you what happens in case you want to read it, except that both characters come to Hollywood and one of them is insanely successful from the minute he gets there, and the other one's decency is always in the way.  Anyway, it's really good. and since reading it i've noticed that, more than ever, i separate people as i meet them into one camp or the other, and feel lucky to mostly be around the people who don't run.  (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2008
11:24 am	TV Detective Secret Weapon Watching proceedural crime dramas has taught me many things, such as that when CSI workers work, whether in a lab or in the field, they need almost complete darkness and only a few sexy lights placed underneath the tables they work on.* Or that cops fucking hate feds, no matter the situation, no matter if they are helping or hurting each other's cases. It's just how they were born and a fact of life, like how cats hate dogs or i hate emile hirsch.  But here's another lesson that has finally sunk in after several episodes of several different shows in a row that brought the same truth to light: Detectives who can speak Spanish to spanish-speaking suspects are unstoppable.  Why? Well I don't know if you know this, Ivory Tower, but spanish is the language of the campesinos, and if you speak it to one of your peasant-like suspects, you are proving yourself to be a man or woman of the soil and the people, much like Jesus Christ/o.  This isn't the case with french or german or japanese when people speak it in TV shows or movies. all that tells me is that those people went to some snooty college and/or are probably an art dealer in their spare time. Spanish-speaking law enforcement officers, on the other hand, are salt of the earth, because that's all that any latin american supporting characer can ever be, duh, and therefore anyone who is willing to talk on their noble, humble, above all low level is, too!  In this way, spanish, spoken to people from latin america, is basically a truth serum.  they hear spanish and they're like, "that's my language! i am so grateful for hearing it and so loyal to it and to the humble, noble, lowness that it represents that i want to talk to you, David Caruso/Benjamin Bratt/Connie Rubirosa/William Petersen."  Additionally, spanish speaking draws the awe and admiration of law-enforcement co-workers, who, after watching a previously tight-lipped day laborer spill his guts, often look at their bilingual co-worker and ask "what did you say??" in amazement.  They don't know that it's not what they say, but the fact that they are willing to rub up against latino-ness at all that matters and that makes them real (north) American Heroes. Perhaps if the real LAPD just went out and spoke a little ESPANOL to some of those latino gang members, those guys would be all "ay, dios mio!" and ask to be taken to reform school or prison. *having worked in the offices of Jerry Bruckheimer, producer of CSI, i can tell you that this is exactly how he likes his people to work as well. i guess great minds think alike in terms of making themselves look cool while they process trace evidence or print buckslips.  (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
11:48 am	Self Magazine Revisited As i have explained in a previous outing, i buy SELF magazine because I hate money and love paper that is worthless.  I also buy it because when i read it i get to check in with all of the stupidest girls from my high school and college, who i assume are working there based on the quality of writing/content.  The other day i read an article about what a person's cell phone ring says about them in which one of the four people whose cell phone rings were analyzed by the writer of the article was the writer of the article.  She predicted correctly that her cell phone ring made her a smart article writer!  And a few issues back another writer decided that it was ok to turn adjectives into verbs in her own special way.  Hey ladies! Do you know how to sleeken your legs?  You will if you read self.  It is a magazine that helps you attractiven up your features! Hi, Kim Van Suillichem from college! You found a job after all! One of my all time favorite piece of reportage is one that i read today in the June 2008 issue of Self.  It's an expose entitled Doc, I'm Here to Talk about Me! that breaks the story that when you visit your doctor there is a 34% chance that they might share a personal anecdote while treating you, and a 30% chance that that anecdote might not be directly related to your illness.  I have been a bumbling idiot when confronted with this situation in the past because i haven't known how to get the information I needed from my doctor when he starts to mention that his kid just graduated from brown and then asks me if i have any questions about my whatever it is i'm there for. I have tried banging my head against the wall, speaking french or spitting spit through my two frong teeth in response, all to no avail.  He usually just looks confused and leaves. However, as of this morning those days are over because a self writer has written me a little chart with methods and tips on how to control chit chat and a mock-up of a potential conversation with a doctor like this.  Like, when the doctor says that she had cold sores in college to comfort a patient who has cold sores, the patient is supposed to say, "How can i get rid of them?"  And when the doctor tells the patient that the sores will clear up on their own but recommends some pain relievers and follows that up by saying that their breakouts were caused by stress, the patient can then ask if stress is to blame for their breakouts, too.  And apparently the doctor will not punch the patient in the face for asking these questions like i had previously believed, but rather will actually answer them.  Eureka! It was pointed out to me the other day that i don't see the dopeness in life.  Only the wackness. I'm trying to remedy this, since pessimists are not always the most fun to hang out with and i like to hang out.  So though i know that this blog has been negative, i will say that i am delighted to discover a place where i can possibly work for money in the future. One of my goals for the summer is to possibly get a job in addition to writing my dissertation because I am bad at structuring full weeks of free time.  Maybe i could be like one a' them ladies in the romantic comedies ALL OF WHOM work for magazines (go back and check.  every single one.  every one.  all romantic comedies ever. this is the only job a lady looking for love in the big city can have. THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. it may be a sleekening of the truth, though.) My first article will be about how 90% of people walk into walls when they have their eyes closed and faint when they hold their breath, and it will offer tips on avoiding these sticky situations.* So there. old friends AND new career found. Dopeness. *i'm sorry, guys.  i can't tell you now.  you will have have to read about it in self magazine like the rest of the planet.  i will tell you this, though: get ready to have the doors blown off your world view/way you breathe and walk! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 26th, 2008
5:09 pm	note i just sent to me roommate: jordan. i just ate those doritos that have been sitting on your shelf for a month. because i am gross and i crave salt like a deer in the middle of winter. it's my birthday tomorrow so i decided that this could be your early present to me. and that i will buy you new ones or something else you'd rather have.  forgive me. i like salt.   (Comment on this)